I haven't felt moved to write anything Los Angeles lately (maybe the honeymoon is over?) but I thought I'd spread the word here about Occupy Los Angeles, or Occupy Everything. Where ever you are stand up and unite on October 15th. Let's be the change we want to see in this world!
If you're planning a move or a trip to Los Angeles I hope you can wait until after July 17th. This is Carmageddon weekend when the 405 will be completely shutdown for 50+ hours esentially cutting everyone in the valley off from the rest of the world. No one wants to be stuck in the valley in the middle of July for an entire weekend! We demand the freedom to drive our cars long distances. We demand the freedom to suck natural resources dry for the sake of a weekend drive. We demand the freedom to crowd and pollute the beaches! This is America! This is Los Angeles! But I digress...
As a citizen of "the valley" I will take this opportunity to park my car and use what are known as LEGS to get me to places I need to go. Thankfully I don't need to get to Santa Monica or the west side this weekend so I'll probably miss the mayhem. I'm thinking I might walk to the bridge over the 101 and watch people suffer though. Maybe hang a banner over the side that says "suckers!" or something more clever.
Speaking of clever, I'd like to leave you with this amusing clip of Hitler's response to the 405 shutdown. Funny, but possibly offensive to certain populations.
Olympic Spa
Koreatown
3915 W. Olympic Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90019
Cost: $15 (and up for additional services)
Parking: Complimentary Valet (just don't forget gratuity!)
A Korean spa, for those of you who've never heard of one, is a spa unlike any you've ever been to. It is a place to shed old skin cells along with all your preconceived notions. When you think of a spa you probably think of private massage rooms, spa robes, candles and soft music. Forget all that before you step into the Korean spa. Massages here are done basically in the open with no draping to cover your..ahem... parts. And the therapists themselves? Well, don't expect them to be cloaked in "professional" attire, their uniform is black bra and panties which is way more than anyone else in the place is wearing. I'm certain reading this probably makes you want to giggle but when you're there it just seems like the natural order of things.
There's something spiritual and empowering about walking around in near silence with beautiful naked women - the kind of beautiful that comes, not from being perfect, fit, or slender but from being open, honest, and WOMAN. Women of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, and ages walk proudly through the spa's many rooms joining strangers in a silent soak or a jade steam.
If any of this sounds uncomfortable or you're hung-up about any body issues this IS the place for you. This is a place you can come and be your whole authentic self, any anxieties you might have will melt away with your first communal shower. Did I mention $15 gives you access to all the mineral baths, saunas (steam and dry), and detoxifying oxygen rooms? Besides where else will you have the opportunity to nap next to naked strangers on a jade floor?
Last night we had the unique opportunity to check out a scene that we would otherwise avoid like the plague. It was our friend's birthday and we wanted to celebrate with him even if it meant breaking two of my most important rules of going out: 1. never pay a cover 2. never wait in a line. After last night I discovered a new rule: never frequent places that wait until 10pm to open. Maybe this is what the cool kids like but I prefer to start my night a little earlier, besides, don't they know they can get a lot more partying in if they start at 8 or 9? Of course, if you're partying at Bar 210 bankrolling extra hours of drinks might be a challenge. Bar 210 is definitely not on our list of frugal fun but if you just came into some extra cash and are looking for a swanky place to blow it, Bar 210 might be your place. Below is an awesome review by my husband (I couldn't have said it better so I copied and pasted his yelp):
After agreeing to attend a birthday party there on a Saturday night I decided to look up Bar 210 on Yelp.
Thanks to my fellow Yelpers I went in with very, very low expectations.
First, let's break down the costs:
Valet: $16 + tip
Door: Even though it was supposed to be free I was charged $15 because I have a penis.
Drinks: Round One - Tuaca&Redbull, Gin&Tonic, Miller Lite = $35 + tip
Round Two: Unknown because we managed to get some drink tickets as an apology for charging my penis at the door + tip.
Toilet: Tipped the poor attendant in there $2 because someone dropped a bomb and I felt terrible he had to stand in there all night and smell it.
Second, let's break down the staff:
Valet Guys: Gentlemen. Very polite and good at what they were doing.
Door Guys: Nice if you had breasts. Not so nice if you don't.
Door Girl (gatekeeper): C. U. N.ext T.hursday.
Bar Tenders: Indifferent. Neither mean nor nice. Could possibly be because they're required to wear lingerie to tend bar.
Bathroom Attendant: Sweetest kid and unfortunately I don't think anyone tips him because when I gave him 2 bucks he was overcome with gratitude.
Bouncers: Apes in suits who don't give a dang if they knock your drink out of your hand while pushing through the crowd.
Third, The Crowd:
If you're a group of guys looking to meet women don't even try this place unless you can afford bottle service. They won't let you in.
If you're a single guy and can afford bottle service I would think you've got an excellent chance at meeting a beautiful ethnic woman.
The Guys: Young, handsome gentleman. Being 28 I felt on the older side of the spectrum. If they weren't young, handsome or buff they were sitting at a table with bottle service or had a beautiful date (my hot wife is probably the only reason I got in). Not so many gringos.
The Gals: Most of the women were very attractive and not your typical Playboy blonde. Many Asian and Middle Eastern and I can't recall ever seeing a heavy one. Very revealing attire and lots and lots of makeup.
I hate to judge but I think many of the people there were still trying to find who they are as a person but looking in all the wrong places, i.e., weightlifting, bulimia, spray tans and way too much time in front of the mirror. I was surprised I didn't see The Situation.
Other notes:
The drinks were ordered were actually very potent but still way too expensive but hey, it IS Beverly Hills.
The ladies room wait was probably 20 min.
The boys room has no dividers between the urinals so pee-shy guys are going to have some trouble.
The idiot designers put low, darkly upholstered sofas all over the place which makes for some interesting spills for drunk girls in heels (especially near the dance floor).
The place was PACKED. You're constantly getting knocked around.
If you've got over $100 to blow and want the LA club scene, this is your place.
1. The incredible cast of characters.
Never have so many diverse and interesting (and crazy) people congregated in one place.
2. Access to nature.
Even in this sprawling city a hike or park is (relatively) near by.
3. Pacific coast.
Also, a part of the city's access to nature but deserves its own spot on the list.
4. Never running out of things to do.
Even if that simply means people watching (see number 1.)
5. The weather.
Because even if everything else sucks, at least the sun is shining! (well,usually)
(Sorry for the elementary picture book style to this post. It's been months since I've written anything and I'm not feeling very writerly.)
This morning while Nicole and I were having our coffee Nicole looked out at the yard and proclaimed, "What is that?!!"
Immediately I thought the gray lump was one of the neighbors cats that had been killed by a coyote but then I recognized the gray and black fur.
Turns out the gray lump was a raccoon fast asleep on the lawn. I whistled at him and he drearily picked up his head to look at us.
When we approached he got up to show us how tough he was and we noticed that it looked like he'd been injured.
Eventually he grew tired of our stares and headed off into the bushes where he still resides. I called animal control and they said they would be sending an officer "probably today". Whatever that means.
Bird watching has become a favorite pastime of ours since moving to the Hollywood Hills. Our little yard has been graced by feisty hummingbirds, loud mockingbirds, yellow orioles and many others but when we saw these ominous dark creatures in the distance we knew they were special. Hawks? Eagles? Condors? We thought there was no chance they could be Condors in this fairly populated area of the Hollywood Hills. But these beasts were far too large to be hawks or eagles. Without seeing their faces we were left guessing.
One day they came back to perch atop the highest point in the neighborhood, an unsightly power line post about a half mile away. As the sun warmed them they stretched their HUGE wings and put on a show for us! Finally, they showed their faces, and thanks to a telephoto lens, we were able to see their bald pink heads! Confirmation! They really are California Condors. A pair of apparently a very small population of about 160 wild Condors! We felt really honored to have seen them and hope this means their population is growing.
Image via Wikipedia
I received my first Los Angeles traffic ticket today. It's been two years since our move and five since my last ticket. I'd might be more upset if I hadn't just changed around all the insurance premiums to reflect my stellar driving record.
That said, it was still chicken shit. In the morning traffic backs all the way up Cahuenga with people driving from the Valley into Hollywood. Those lucky few who know about a shortcut named Outpost never find themselves stuck in even a second of that Hollywood & Highland mess. Well, in order to turn from Mulholland onto Outpost (if you're going our direction) you have to make a left turn from Mulholland and there's a sign that clearly states this isn't legal from 7am to 9am. The whole purpose of this sign is to prevent rear end collisions on a blind right turn to people waiting for oncoming traffic to clear before making their left. I've taken this illegal left turn probably 100 times at 8:45am and never experienced an ill effect until today when just as I turned I saw a man in uniform peaking his head around the corner watching my every move. Once I noticed him it was too late and they flagged me to pull over. I alway keep with the spirit of the law and if there is ever a car behind me in the morning I don't make the turn. Thus, I never hold up a soul. Try explaining that to a man who's mission it was today to meet his ticket quota (just assuming since it's the 29th and all).
What burns me is that they should be getting the people who speed down Outpost while blowing stop signs and could actually kill someone. I made a left turn that's legal 22 hours a day and it was only 15 minutes until 9:00!! When I asked the cop how much the fine was he couldn't tell me because as he said, "That's up to the courts". Right, you mean it increases so quickly you can't even print tickets or educate your enforcement.
I'm hoping it's not over $300.
Jury duty was, as you might imagine, TORTURE. Thankfully, I was able to delay my arrival time 2 whole hours thanks to the online orientation (which was playing on repeat in the waiting room anyway). I shuffled toward the building with some other latecomer's who looked as defeated as I felt. The outside of the building was like something out of Armageddon and smelled like a urinal - not the most inviting place I've ever been. On the inside I was pleasantly surprised that being tortured with the rest of us was a rockstar from the band that inspired Rivers Cuomo to write:
Back in 1991, I wasn't havin' any fun
'Till my roommate said "come on and put a brand new record on"
Had a baby on it, he was naked on it
Then I heard the chords that broke the chains I had upon me
That band was so hugely influential in my life, as in Weezer's and countless others, I can't even begin to describe how starstruck I felt. I surreptitiously texted the one person I knew would understand the most: my dearest husband. Its actually not legal for me to talk about the other torturees but I find this situation to be so statistically rare and special that i just cannot help myself. Luckily none of us were actually chosen for a trial so I feel slightly safe talking about my experience now.
Now off on our separate ways, the drummer-come-frontman will probably never recall the hundred other people in that room but I will not forget the day I spent being tortured with a rockstar.
Photo courtesy of Wilberfan
Nicole and I went to get some takeout from Poquito Mas in Studio City and on our way in we saw Ham from The Sandlot. If you want to Google it his name is Patrick Renna and I don't think I've seen him in anything since but god damnit he was awesome as Ham.
Anyway, Poquite Mas is amazing Mexican food. Especially for the price. Just check out their reviews.
Nicole and I spent $20 and ate like Bosnian refugees and still couldn't finish the food (sorry to the one Bosnian refugee I met once [actually, I don't think you'll be that upset since you own one of the largest pieces of land ever in Malibu and it's rumored you effed George Clooney. So, I guess I'm really sorry to the suffering Bosnian refugees]).
Poquite Mas definitely gets two thumbs up. If you're interested check out their website here: Poquito Mas as they've got a lot of different locations if you're not in Studio City.
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