April 2009 Archives

Everything you've heard about the superficiality of L.A. is true and even more accurate here in West Hollywood. Our neighbors are all shockingly good looking and unimaginably fit. Even my coworkers -- teachers with hearts of gold, far from "superficial" -- are all beautiful and fit.

And then there's Dominic and I, still carrying around an extra layer-for-warmth that we grew back in Denver. Don't get me wrong, we're beautiful people, just that our beauty is mostly on the inside -- and partially buried by survival layers of fat. I'd hardly ever noticed the fat on our bodies, probably because it was so utilitarian before but more likely because I was just too damn lazy to worry about a little extra squish.

I fully understand that at 109 pounds and 18% body fat I'm far from "fat". But if you were to put me in a bikini and set me out by our pool next to my neighbors who might be wearing even smaller bikinis, I might look like the fattest girl there. Seriously.

While I have no plans (or delusions) of having a cover model body, I have begun to consider the idea of shedding my winter layers. We've already started eating healthier, leaner, whole-r foods and we've even been using our gym memberships (the ones that, up until recently, had only been making our wallets thinner).

If you're considering a move to L.A., you might want to be sure you're not prone to any body image disorders, because if you didn't have one before you will now!

I love comedy and I love even more good stand-up comedy. I've got a few favorite performers which include David Cross, Patton Oswalt, Doug Stanhope, David Alan Grier (most times), Jim Norton and Pablo Francisco (when he was funny).

Nicole and I hadn't been to see a live comedy performance here in LA yet so when Patton Oswalt said he'd be performing at the Largo I was there. The Largo is only five minutes from our place and very near some good restaurants. Nicole and I decided to make a nice date out of it.

A few notes on the Largo:

Ticketing at the Largo is a little weird. First, you can't purchase them online. You've got to call, leave your name and credit card info on their voicemail and then they'll call you back (in a few days) and confirm the order. Then, you've got to show up at the theater at 7:00pm the day of show and wait in a line to receive your seat assignment (the first people there get the best seats). Luckily, we scootered down right at 7:00 and were some of the first few in line. There isn't a ticket window or anything but rather a large wrought iron gate which a guy stands behind and confirms that you're on the list and stamps your hand and gives your seat numbers. He then tells you to return at 8:45 for the show (which is inaccurate as I think they start letting people in around 8:00 and close the doors at 8:45.

The theater itself is your typical old (1930s?) 500 seat theater. Complete with the traditional, stained, flip up (and uncomfortable) metal and fabric seats. The seat numbering system is a little wacky too but easy enough to figure out. We had our seats in the third row near the center which was optimal.

When the MC came out to warm us up he gave the list of the nights performers and damn was I shocked. Not only was Patton Oswalt headlining but David Cross was going to be one of the opening acts! What? Two of my favorite comedians for the price of one? Absurd!

I laughed my ass off at nearly everyone except for Karen Kilgariff who is probably the worst comedian I've ever heard. I'm not saying she's not talented (as she really is the head writer for the Ellen Degeneres show) but just performed for the wrong crowd. She needs to open for Margaret Cho or Rosanne Barr. The crowd needs to want to hear about how difficult it is to be an overweight woman. Unfortunately, I am not one of those who wants to hear it.

Anyway, aside from Karen almost ruining the show David and Patton really killed. They both had completely new material that I had never heard (David Alan Grier needs to take note of this) and have a gifted comedic way of describing their observations.

Two thumbs up for stand-up at the Largo. I'll be doing it again.

I often check the Craigslist free section to see if there might be anything useful or interesting nearby. Today, I found the listing below and I'll be damned if it's not the funniest craigslist ad I've ever seen.

Odd piece of furniture to use whenever/wherever! (downtown / echo park / silver lake)

Reply to: sale-nnkke-1106081291@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-04-03, 5:21PM PDT

I'm not sure what this is. I bought it when i was really stoned at the goodwill stuperstore in downtown. At the time I thought it was hysterical. I've used her (we call her Shelly) in variety of ways, but most recently as a TV stand, as in the picture. she's carpeted on the sides, and has hardwood on the top.

You should come get her, cause Shelly needs a good home.

Things you could use her for: sitting on, standing near, frowning upon, laughing at, crying on, or as a tv stand/side table. your call.

Anyway, come pick her up ASAP. I'm sure Shelly won't be on the interweb for long before someone comes along and recognizes the diamond in the rough that she is.

* Location: downtown / echo park / silver lake
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests